Hiatus   2 comments

Okay, so its been a while since my last posting. It was just supposed to be a little break – makes me think of Ross: “But we were on a break!”  Life had become a little crazy again, and I thought minimizing extraneous things would be smart. Just for a week or so, I told myself. With twins and a preschooler, I looked at the daily list, and there didn’t seem to be much I could write off as extraneous… I tried justifying not changing diapers – now that  definately counts as something I could do without in my day (20 diapers and counting most days… yuck!). But alas, the babies simulateously had blowouts, and the smell alone told me that one had to stay ON the list.

So my blog lost. It was removed from my daily “to do” list, and sadly, all that accomplished was a mommy who had nothing fun to look forward to each morning. And I still couldn’t get what I needed to get done, done. And I tell ya, “a week or so” has turned into a few months, and darn it, I miss this! So I figured I’d get the ball rolling again. Hmm. What have you missed? Idid write a few posts while I was on “hiatus” that never got published, and just sat in La La land on my blackberry. The first sorta sums up the emotional and physical strain of the last few months pretty well, so I’ll start with that one.

                               *************************************

The last nine months have been … a lot. A lot of belly. A lot of babies. A lot of illness (OMG a lot of illness). A lot of happiness. A lot of bickering and anger. A lot of sleepless nights. A lot of tears – tears of joy, tears of frustration, tears of utter hopelessness. A lot of light. A lot of dark. A lot of life. A lot.

Right now, my life is about being a mom. Or at least trying to be. I am starting to realize that I only know one way to get this mommy thing done, and that is completely. Utterly. To abandon all reason and self-preservation and just give all I have to the little people who look to me for everything they need.

But they need … a lot. More than I have to give away, most days. I actually got ready for bed the other night and realized I hadn’t gone to the washroom since I woke up. I had been so wrapped up in keeping the pneumonia-ridden preschooler fed, medicated and occupied in the midst of our typical twinfant insanity that I hadn’t peed. Once. There is something terribly disturbing about that.

And so I’m starting to think that, hey! Maybe I need a lot too. A lot more laughter. A lot more lightness of heart. A lot more patience with myself as I learn about being a mom to multiple little people, about sharing myself around without having to fracture and divide up the pieces. A lot more real thought about what it is that I can do for myself to regenerate. A lot more gratitude for the amazing things I do have in my life.

I spend a lot of time and energy wondering why I don’t have enough: enough time, enough sleep, enough compassion and sympathy from others.

Maybe its time to start focusing of what I actually DO have … a lot.

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Posted October 26, 2010 by twinsideout in Family matters, Twins

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2 responses to “Hiatus

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  1. Kym, you are an amazing mom, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, vet…the list goes on and on. Please don’t be so hard on yourself! This is an insane part of being a mom to three kids under 3….but this too shall pass and when it’s gone on to another phase of being a mom to three school-agers, three teenagers, etc., you’ll look back fondly on the time when your girls were small enough to pick up and cuddle, to listen to you as if you had all the knowledge and were the best (or worst, depending on the day) mom in the whole wide world!

    You have an amazing circle of friends and family who love you and would drop everything to come over and help you out, if only you would ask for help and not try to do absolutely EVERYTHING yourself, independent woman that you are!

    I love your blog and really think you should turn this whole thing into a book, a la Erma Bombeck, which seems to align with her writing style and finding humour in the bleakest of circumstances.

    Thank you so very much for all the wisdom you have given me and my daughter on veterinary issues while around you was seemingly chaos! But I’m betting it’s a chaos you wouldn’t trade for all the tea in China….

    Love ya – and call me if you need a hand or a shoulder. I’m here!

    Pam :))

  2. Pingback: Twinside Out: When twins make it "three under three"

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